you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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