giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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