do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
