Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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