Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
last night I used snow as a chaser
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
