You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
