i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I could fuck to npr.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
