We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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