i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
