u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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