five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
