So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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