So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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