some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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