i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
