You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?