All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.