I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.