I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down