Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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