i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
