Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sext me about skeletons
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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