At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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