that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
