dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
