i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
