It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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