Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
this hospital has no fireball
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
