I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
