I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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