somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
