my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
