you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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