why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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