But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
