I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
