ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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