so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
