This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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