my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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