So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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