i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
