Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
