his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Randomize