just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
