After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry about my life...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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