Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
