i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
