I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
