dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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