She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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