That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
