Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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