I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
