hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
