it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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