Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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