What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
