Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
