the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pants are for mortals
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
