if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
