If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
