someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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