we're blogging at a bar
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
