is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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