dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
