know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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