The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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