this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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