When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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