My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
