people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
