she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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